Anxiety and Money

The main problem I have had lately is more of something I think even straight and cis people can understand. Ever since I was little I have always had a lot of anxiety, of course when I was really little I was able to hide it and was outgoing. Then again, I had to be outgoing because of my parent's positions in their jobs. There were actually a lot of mental illnesses that I had (and still have) that my parents never noticed as I was growing up.

The only things they could ever understand, even now, are my anxiety and my autism. Most people don't see those things when they look at me. I have been told that I seem cool and collected if you know that phrase. I don't seem like someone who has any problems. Going by the kinds of situations I have had to deal with in the past two years alone, I beg to differ.

I am getting a little off subject, as you can tell by going back to the title I made for this post. I am 16 and that means I am at an age where I can get a job where I live. My anxiety, however, is not helping me as I have been looking for ways to earn money. The fact that I can't sit behind a wheel without shaking and losing my ability to think, isn't helping me get a job either.

For the past two days, I have been looking online for ways to earn money. I have sent in a few auditions for some different animations, not anything popular. I have been looking for people that need someone to look over things they have written to help with grammar, but I guess they rely on spelling checks now. My English teacher once told me never to rely on a spelling check app because they don't catch all of the mistakes.

So far all I have had are a couple viewers, but I don't know how to get this blog out for more people to see without losing more of my anonymity. I just realized that seems a little out of the blue. My mind wanders a little bit, but it wasn't out of nothing. I have around 18 tabs open right now and I glanced up to them. Most of them are bloggers that have a lot more readers, which made me think about that.

Those bloggers aren't all anonymous which probably helped them get word of their blog out. I think I will just have to rely on the people that read this right now (one who I told because I didn't want to write to thin air) to get the word out. This site isn't like Tumblr where people can just randomly come upon it. I wish it was, that would make this a lot easier.

Back to the thought of getting a job that isn't online, well there are fears that my parents don't realize I have when it comes to that. Being trans, where I am, there are a lot of things to be afraid of when getting a job or really going anywhere public. I recently expressed my thoughts on it to my childhood best friend, and he laughed. He doesn't believe that people could be like that anymore. 

I think the difference between my knowledge of it and his, is an essay I had to write for my English class on LGBT Civil Rights. It was something that was very interesting to write and was given to me out of anyone because I am out at my school. Like I said before, that was a very bad idea. Anyway, the fact of the matter is that not many cis people realize the dangers there are of being trans and out.

Side note before I post this: I am sure that if any of the people I am close to or that I may talk about read this, they will know who they are. When I write I will protect their identities (and my own) mainly so that I am not telling the world about things that they will want to forget in the future. The only thing I have to avoid is the people my parents work with recognizing who I am by the names I say. I may have to create a reference page for myself. :)